Scheme the Scheme, He Never Dies
by Jander Panell
Summary: In which Zexion interacts with people who aren't Axel and Demyx, for a change.  Shortfic collection.
1. Be A Man

**Scheme the Scheme, He Never Dies**

_In which Zexion interacts with people who aren't Axel and Demyx, for a change. Shortfic collection._

So I ended up not going to sleep tonight because I was looking at fanart on tumblr, wtf is wrong with me. Sleep is for the weak. Anyway I'm annoyed at a) the preponderance of ZUTARA (aagh seriously I've never hated a pairing more, just looking at them makes me feel physically ill...what I thought I was proud of being a multishipper) and b) CAN'T ANYONE DRAW ZEXION NOT MOE? Moeblob has infected everything. Zexy is not a moeblob. He's a sneaky, clever manipulator who can ham it up like the best of them. If I have to look at another moeblob fanart I'm going to claw my eyes out somebody draw this kid with some goddamn _angles! _Am I the only one who likes Angular!Zexion? Skinny, spidery, angular Zexion with spike-tastic hair. C'mon that's better than a shampoo commercial model moeblob isn't it?

So I saved a lot of Zexion fanart and now I'm going to write some Zexion fanfic.

Oh, and I also hate Zemyx now. God pair Zexion with someone else. LexZex has more canon support to it. I think I like LexZex more. So enjoy some LexZex.

I'm rambling I'm so sleep deprived. WHO CARES WHO NEEDS SLEEP

* * *

_1. Be A Man_

"I've grown," Zexion announced.

Lexaeus looked down on his smaller compatriot and immediately decided that what Zexion said could not be true. The Cloaked Schemer was no closer to Lexaeus' eye level than he had been yesterday, and the day before, and every other day.

"I checked in the morning," Zexion continued. "As I do every day, of course. Don't look at me like that." Lexaeus immediately tried to rearrange his expression, but that was difficult because he didn't think he was looking at Zexion any differently in the first place. When one was a Nobody - and had long made peace with that fact - one tended to no longer express much with one's face.

"It is very possible, after all, that I may continue growing. According to mine and Vexen's calculations, it has been six years since we became Nobodies, and therefore I am physically fifteen years old. I have only just begun to become a man. Already, I have grown slightly more than an inch over the past year."

"How tall do you believe you will become?" Lexaeus asked, very diplomatically.

Zexion linked his fingers together and frowned. "I should like to reach the Superior's height, at least. Failing that, perhaps VIII's. It is hard to say. Yes, that would be a good height to settle for."

Zexion was talking like he could actually control how tall he grew. Lexaeus wondered if that wasn't one of Vexen's experiments and decided he didn't need to know. "I see," he said. He had always been a man of few words, mostly because he did not believe that words could make many situations better. Sometimes they made things worse. He knew that if he now said what was on his mind, he would point out that Zexion was being unrealistic. The boy had always been thin and fine-boned; he had been small even as a child and would no doubt continue to remain small as a teenager. Zexion sounded proud of his single inch in a year, but Lexaeus knew that most teenage boy growth spurts would put that figure to shame. He knew it from personal experience.

Would it hurt Zexion if he told? Of course it wouldn't, because Zexion was a Nobody and therefore could never be hurt by mere words. But Lexaeus wouldnt speak anyway. Not just because of his naturally taciturn nature, but because he had always protected Zexion, since their birth as Nobodies - no, since Ienzo had first come to the castle. It was not affection that kept him protecting Zexion. It was instinct.

"They will not treat me as a child for much longer," Zexion continued. "Soon they will _have _to look me in the eye when they speak to me. I can feel it, Lexaeus. I am becoming a man."

* * *

Oh God I'm going to look back on this in the morning and be SO EMBARRASSED. Goddamn I want these keys to stop sticking, this laptop is only a year old its keyboard can't be broken already. Do I do "ctrl + c" and "ctrl + v" and the letter "x" that often? Oh jeez wonder what this says about me. But it means that if random letters are missing it's not my fault.

Maybe I should make a tradition of writing bizarre shorts when I'm sleep deprived. What you guys say?


	2. Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the

**Scheme the Scheme, He Never Dies**

Quick surprise update 'cause I found out the ship I was going on a cruise on would not have any internet. So yeah, no contact with any of you guys for about a week. This is like the shortest thing I've ever written. I feel kind of weird about it. I don't think I can do short.

* * *

_2. Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain_

The entry in Ienzo's diary in which he describes his parents is brief, matter-of-fact, almost cursory.

_Today it has been one year since my mother and father died. They were stage magicians. My father adopted the stage name the Impressive Imperiali and my mother used her real name Grace. They were in high demand among the wealthy and powerful of Radiant Garden. Supposedly they were quite talented._

_My father did most of the tricks. My mother was his assistant, the one who was chainsawed in half and locked into boxes and stabbed with decoy knives. My father believed that he was a visionary. He was particularly skilled with illusions. Making objects "disappear," or "conjuring" them from thin air, or "transforming" one object into another. He did not think I was as good as he was. He lamented that his child would never be a "breathtaking prodigy" like himself. He was very fond of overstating. He had an inherent sense of the dramatic about him. Perhaps that made him an excellent performer._

_My father was very strict but I love(d) him all the same. He taught me many things. In particular, the value of never revealing your secrets. My mother was a weak woman with no will of her own. I do not really miss her. Sometimes I miss my father, but I don't miss the way he yelled and I certainly don't miss his belt. I am happy here anyway, so I'm not unduly sad on this date. I have a new family and I think that Master Ansem is a better father than the Impressive Imperiali._

The first thing Zexion did when he obtained Ienzo's diary was to tear that entry out and burn it. After that, he made a ritual of burning an entry every day. Four years later and Ienzo's diary no longer existed.

He could breathe a little easier after that.

* * *

Ties to "Dear Diary" if you look hard enough.

Also, guess the inspiration for the title of this collection.

R&R


	3. I Have Many Names

**Scheme the Scheme, He Never Dies**

Been back from the cruise for a while, but haven't written much because I can't seem to find any private time this holiday. Not that I'm complaining. I get to spend time with my family.

And yeah, the title of the previous story was inspired by Wizard of Oz, but as for the title of the collection itself...go on, guess some more!

Here's a brief, pointless drabble that I wrote in that awful airport that didn't have free WiFi. What a crime.

* * *

_3. I Have Many Names_

Ienzo's father always called him "that brat." To his mother, he was always "darling," as in _be a darling and fetch me another cigarette, would you? _

Ansem the Wise called him "my boy."

Braig called Ienzo "shorty" and "kid." Xigbar still calls Zexion those two things.

He is merely "VI" to the Superior, Saix, and Marluxia.

To Axel, he is "Zex." To Demyx, he is - much to Zexion's annoyance - "Zexy." Larxene also calls him "Zexy" on occasion.

To Luxord, he is "my dear boy," or "my dear Schemer." As in, _I think we two will get along swimmingly, my dear Schemer. _

Xaldin calls him "Zexion," when he deigns to speak his name at all.

Sometimes he is "VI" to Vexen too, but only when Vexen is annoyed.

Lexaeus always calls him Zexion. Always says his name. Prefaces everything he says to the Schemer with, "Zexion." As in, _Zexion, report, _and _Zexion, what are your plans. _Zexion will not admit that he somewhat likes it. He likes the way that Lexaeus says his name. With courtesy, not a sneer like Xaldin. With loyalty. And professionalism, like a bodyguard speaking to his employer.

Zexion thinks he can handle everyone else mangling his name, so long as Lexaeus continues to say it the right way.

* * *

I guess this ended up being a LexZex collection. Deal with it! A XemZex story is coming, but I can't seem to crap it out...it's getting too long.

Review and shit.


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